The scale might not have moved, but the dress fit, so something is happening! YAY!
I got my second fitting the other day and the dress still fits. I was so excited.
Now off to do a lot of wedding related activities, as the wedding is getting closer and closer. Only 5 weeks, I think. Crazy. Still need to do like EVERYTHING.
More relevant posts to come. I promise.
But in the end, the scale didn't move, and I fit in a smaller size dress, so that is pretty cool!
Everyone is different. The word individual is key. No two people are the EXACT same, even twins, they might be pretty dang close, but their personalities are different. Basically, no one is just like you or me. We are all unique. My weightless journey is not the same as yours. We might have similarities, but we are all slightly different. I have been struggling since I was 13 to lose weight. My most recent effort has been over the past two years. I have tried to go to many people, I have seen people say they can promise I will lose 10-15 lbs, but guess what, I didn't. And it wasn't because they didn't have good advice, but that their advice didn't work for my body. My body is currently yelling at me that something is wrong. Over the past 2 months, I had one person mention that a reaction I was having on my ear, might be from what I am putting into my body. That was the first step in the right direction that I have had in a LONG time. Well yesterday I made a video to share a little bit about what is going on. I don't talk about what might be the cause yet, because I have some experimenting to do and I just need to figure stuff out, but what I thought was healthy and good, my body didn't like it. I actually thought the issue was broccoli at first, based on how I felt after I ate it, but turns out, it's not broccoli, phew. I like broccoli and it is so easy to cook. But either way, the point is that no one knows what is going on with you. If someone promises they can do something, just know that they might not be able to help, but they also might. It's worth a shot, but at the same time, worth remembering that you aren't alone. There are lot's of people who have this struggle and I hope we all can start figuring out what is going on within our bodies to help us on this journey.
First off, I get it...working out doesn't help the scale move. If you are trying to lose weight, it is 80% nutrition, and 20% exercise. That being said, why not workout?
Working out does numerous things for your body, your mind, your health, and your weight-loss journey. It might not help the scale move, but do you ever wonder why some people lose weight and are all flabby, and others look more toned and tight....well exercise is the answer. If you really just want to lose weight, and don't care about anything else, cool, don't workout. But...I think that we all have a real reason we are trying to lose weight. It could be to be skinnier, look healthier, be healthier, change our lab results, be around for our family members, or maybe to be able to do activities with family members and friends. I think that if we really try to figure out the reason we are losing weight, we will find that we have reasons we are aware of and ones we aren't.
My last post talked a little about some of those reasons we may not be aware of. I am sure there are more to come in the future. This post is about working out. What it does for me. I mentioned in the last post that I am strong and confident now and care less about the scale actually moving. That is because of my working out.
I workout a lot. A few posts ago shows a little of what I am doing currently. I workout so that I can be a better fiance and co-worker. It is my stress relief. I have been active since I can remember. Even though I am overweight, I played basketball, soccer, softball, tennis, crew. I was super active growing up, but my weight still sucked. However, if you look at my labs, my cholesterol is perfect, my blood pressure is textbook, my blood sugar levels are normal, I am by all accounts healthy. Now it's the happy part that matters. What will make me happy? I used to think it was hitting 140 lbs. Now I think it's something different.
What will make me happy is feeling strong and confident. Going on my honeymoon and hiking Machu Pichu and the Inca Trail for 4 days and not being the person holding everyone back. Succeeding at this adventure and feeling good about it. Not wishing I was faster and stronger to keep up with other people. I get it, I will probably be the heaviest there, but that's ok. My goal is to have fun and complete the hike. If I can do that, I win. I am just like all the other people, but I am doing it for me. I want good memories. I want to be able to do things and not say no because I am scared I will hurt myself because of my weight. When I workout, I can lift, I can push, I can get stronger. That is what matters to me.
Over the past 3 years, I have moved almost every 3 months. We were travelling with a toolbox that at the beginning of our trip, I would ask my now fiance to grab and carry. It was really heavy. About halfway through our travels, when I had started CrossFit again and was taking care of my mental needs, I went to pick it up and thought, this isn't that heavy. That was a HUGE moment for me. I sw the strength paying off. I really didn't want ot life it 1.5 years ago, and now...sure I can carry that up 4 flights to our 100 degree Boston apartment. I was stronger, and I saw it! That is an awesome feeling. Figure out what really matters to you, and that is what happens. I have worked out regularly since then.
The scale may not be budging, but I am likely losing inches, since my clothes are a little looser. It's a little hard to tell because I love baggy clothes, so now that they are baggy, I don't want to change sizes. haha. That's a good problem. My weight is the same but I have other great things happening because of it.
I am Strong
I am Confident
I am Powerful
I am Empowered
I am WORTH IT!
That's my new phrase for pushing through. It's all that matters in my mind. Screw the scale!
I went on a retreat recently, where I had to discuss my weight loss journey and my story. For some reason, just thinking about being overweight as being "my story" is very emotional for me. I think about it, and I cry. And believe me, I am not a cryer...but I am now, and only with this topic. So over the past couple of weeks, I have been searching for the reason why.
Why do I cry when I think about my story?
Why do I get emotional thinking about weight-loss?
Why do I get sad when I see other people overweight?
Why do I cry writing this post?
Why do I get angry when people talk crap about other people, especially bigger people? Well this one I can answer...I just hate people talking bad about people in general. Doesn't matter the reason, it gets me angry, sad, and I feel bad for that person.
I think there are multiple reasons for the reactions I have. Granted, I think I have only figured out the surface of these reasons, but it's a start.
First, people suck. No offense, please don't stop reading unless you are someone who enjoys making others feel bad or don't have an empathetic sense in your body. If you do, keep reading. People suck. You know you think it to. I am not saying everyone does, but a lot of people do. I often question why I chose a profession where I help people for a living. I literally went into debt to learn how to help people, spend 8-10 hours a day with multiple people, trying to teach them what I know and help them get better. Why did I choose a job where I work with so many people, when people suck. The reason is because not everyone does, but those people that do seem to stick out. It may only be a handful of people that are jerks, but one adds onto another and those bad memories and emotions just stick with you. Now, I have digressed a little, but in essence, not everyone is bad. I have done a really good job at only surrounding myself with positive people in my life. If you are a jerk, I don't really want to get to know you. It is hard to find caring, empathetic, inspiring people in this world, I don't need to make it any harder on my life.
Where I was going with this is that even though people suck, there are good people out there. But because people suck, being any type of minority in this world is hard. I learned this at a young age, about when I was 10. I lived in the South in Georgia, had parents going through a divorce, and I was Jewish. I don't really remember being overweight until 3 years later, so that wasn't even part of it yet. I had friends who were raised christian and their parents wouldn't let me come over to play because my parents were divorcing. How stupid is that. I don't want to go into too many other ideas, but it's like people saying you're going to rub the gay off. Come on... I was a 10 year old kid, but I was clearly a threat to their family...to this day I still don't get it. So then add in increasing my weight by probably 30 lbs. I was a big tomboy living in southern Georgia. I played sports, wore sneakers, long shorts, and t-shirts. I had a small group of friends that were great. I was never one of those people that wanted to be the popular kid, that wasn't me. I always surrounded myself with people that liked me for me. To this day, I still do that.
Over this past couple of weeks I have started to realize that I think of being overweight as a "minority". I use that word because people of minority are usually the ones getting discriminated against. Basically anything besides a normal sized white male... As of 2018, in seven states, 35% of adults are "obese". In CO, is 22.6% of people. That is actually a lot of people, but percentage wise, it's small. It might be smaller for the amount of Jewish people in the US, which is 1.6%, but it's still small.
When people think of bullying, they think of LGBTQ, black people, nerds/geeks, fat kids, and religious people different from their own. Those are the big ones I can think of. These days I feel like anything different is fair game for bullying. It stinks. But this isn't a post about bullying. It's about people not realizing they are being mean, or just not caring. Either way, STOP! I think that is part of the reason I get emotional. Fat people are bullied. It sucks. It may not even be to my face, but it's there. If it is to my face, I don't take it, I stand up for myself, or I leave. But even just hearing people talk bad about other bigger people is infuriating. What makes people think it is ok to say mean things to people? Regardless, if we look at being obese as a circumstance of bullying, then things start to make sense. We are judged, we are made fun of, and even if you don't really care about what others think of you, something deep down inside is looking for acceptance. So we care subconsciously. No one wants to always be the odd person out. We are already the odd people out, I don't need another reason to be that person.
The next reason I came up with for why I seem to have an emotional crisis at the age of 32 is that I think not enough people stand up for themselves. Granted I believe that is a personal issue, but it takes time for people to come to terms with internal issues and be able to stand up for themselves. We also don't always know why we need to stand up for something, or the circumstance just doesn't warrant it, maybe we don't want to create a scene, whatever the reason, it's ok to be quiet sometimes. Other times it isn't.
I was in the airport boarding a plain recently and it was Southwest. For Southwest, you are allowed to choose your own seat and it's based on your boarding number. I was A40ish, which was pretty good. I had a lady behind me, not super skinny, but not really overweight either, she was maybe 60. She came up next to me and said "I saw a bigger guy in front, I don't want to get stuck next to him." I am still trying to figure out what I should have said in this circumstance, but instead I didn't handle it as I should have. I didn't stick up for other people, and I regret that. I simply stated she could sit wherever she wants with her number. I didn't know who she was talking about, I didn't really care. All I could think was that you don't know what he is thinking boarding the plane. He probably hates planes and this entire situation more than she can even imagine. If you think about the other person, maybe you won't say stupid things. I don't know if it's because this situation hit close to home or what not, but I could've said something different. I am one of those people who stick up for strangers ALL THE TIME. I almost got beat up in a night club for sticking up for 3 stranger 21 year olds who went into a bathroom and a creepy guy was trying to follow them in. This guy was probably 2 times my size and my boyfriend at the time was really scared. He went and got a bunch of military people to come step in because he thought I might end up in the hospital. I stick up for people all the time, but why was this different? Still figuring that one out....
Another reason I think this is a sensitive topic is because I feel like it is never ending. From 13-32 years of age, it has been a constant battle. I think I am starting to realize that the weight doesn't matter. It is how I feel that matters. Granted, I'm not 400 lbs, I'm 180 and 5'3", but all that matters is me. I feel strong, I feel confident, I feel empowered. That has nothing to do with my weight. That has everything to do with my outlook on things, who I surround myself with, what I choose to read and look at in the media, and my working out. It's what I do for me that really matters. If I feel strong and confident, I can take anything that life throws at me. If not, I feel weak and scared. I choose strong and confident. What do you choose?
The big thing I have done in the past few weeks is add more cardio to my routine. Everyone says cardio helps you lose weight. However, I was doing HIIT (high intensity interval training) CrossFit workouts every day for at least 30 minutes, 6 times a week. The scale wasn't moving. Well 4 weeks ago, I decided to change things up a little bit. Now this is my routine, although it does vary by day, so this is a rough estimate:
Monday: rest day
Tuesday: Spin class for 45 min, sometimes I do an extra 15 minute CrossFit workout too
Wednesday: 30 min CrossFit workout
Thursday; 30 min CrossFit workout and 30-50 minutes of rowing
Friday: 15-30 min CrossFit workout
Saturday: 20 min CrossFit workout
Sunday; 20 min CrossFit workout and 30-50 minutes of rowing
I also intersperse strength training into those days.
Well, my body has been way happier with a change. I didn't do as much cardio rowing/spin as I am currently doing. I knew the science behind mixing up exercises, as I do it with my patients every day, but I didn't do it enough myself. I mix up my workouts and my strength training, but I didn't add more cardio. Now that I have, the scale has moved again!
So if you are working out, and you are stuck, try mixing things up. The cardio really gets your metabolism firing. I have also stopped calorie counting and am just eating what I desire. It is making me eat more, which I think my body needs, as I usually under eat. So overall, I am not trying a "listen to my body" approach, and so far it is working. Once my next plateau hits, I am sure I will change it up again, but this is what is working for me at the moment, and that is all that matters.
What is working for you?
Ok. First off, I am not one of those girls who has dreamt about her wedding day and dress since she was 10. In fact, I never really wanted to get married until I was an adult. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old, and most of my friends had divorced parents. Why would I want to get married, when I saw no happy couples around me. It wasn't until college that I met friends with happily married parents. Surprise surprise...they were all in California. Must be that East Coast stress... :)
Anyways, I started shopping for my wedding dress back in February. My mother and god-mother and I went to some places in Colorado, and had no luck. Then in May, we went to Kleinfeld's in NYC. Now, what you need to know is that I am NOT a dress person. I am as "tom-boyish" as they come. T-shirt and jeans for me...all the time...unless I have a sweatshirt over it. :) Needless to say, when I chose the dress, the people there asked "so are you saying yes to the dress?" and I had to say yes. For those of you that don't know, the shows say yes to the dress is based here. Anyways, we had my dress ordered. At that time I weighted 186lbs. I have been on this weight-loss journey for WAY to long. When we ordered the dress I was a size 18. I promised the lady there that I would lose 15 lbs (which is a size apparently), and she ordered a size 16. Well...now is the moment of truth. I lost 10 lbs to today and I weight 174.3. I am not quite at that 15 yet. I have my first fitting appointment on Tuesday and I really hope the dress fits! I figured i could lose 15 by Nov 3, but apparently the real date was Sept 1. Anyways, fingers crossed!
My name's Amanda and this is a blog about my story and my life. My hope is to motivate some of you to get going on your weight-loss journey as well as help people along the way. If you have questions about how to get started, or anything else, feel free to ask.